


lost and loaded

by intherubble



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-03-08 18:19:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3218762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intherubble/pseuds/intherubble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s tired and just wants to go to sleep and wake up to the earnest rational Joonmyun who texts him encouragements when he knows Jongdae is pulling all nighters, but his fondness for Joonmyun wins out over any annoyance he might feel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lost and loaded

**Author's Note:**

> written december 2013 for [sncj secret santa](http://sncj-santa.livejournal.com/) exchange.
> 
> **warning** for recreational drug use

Jongdae thunks his head against the door once. Baekhyun’s tacky fucking paisley ascot stares up at him tied innocently around the door handle. Jongdae chokes down a frustrated wail. He summons up all the righteous annoyance he can manage and winds up to slam his head down again.

His brain feels all spongy and aching from the fluorescent lights of the library basement where he’d spent the night hunched over yellowing reference books he’d pulled from the stacks. He dispassionately thinks there might be some sticky note tabs caught in his hair from when he’d dozed off with his face stuck to a page around… he has no idea what time it was, it’s impossible to tell in the windowless study cubicles. But Jongdae _knows_ he texted Baekhyun to say he’d forgotten his key. He hadn’t _pled_ with him to be there to open the door in the morning but it was close. Baekhyun had been hanging out at Lu Han’s off campus co-op and judging by the jumbled mess of a text message he’d gotten in reply there was probably no telling what type of hallucinogen they’d decided to experiment with. Jongdae thought the text was meant to say ‘don’t worry about it’ but maybe it had actually been a garbled ‘go fuck yourself’.

Jongdae screws his face up, bracing for impact with the door, but before he makes contact it’s pulled open. Baekhyun has a habit of ignoring him when he’s _busy_ , no matter how much of a racket Jongdae makes, so it throws him off for a second. Long enough that it takes him a minute of blinking disorientedly to realize he’s staring down at an unfamiliar cock.

“Yah,” Jongdae yelps, shielding his eyes with a hand and turning his face, “c’mon.”

“Are you Baekhyun’s roommate?” The voice asking sounds sleepy but enthusiastic at the same time, “He told me to let you in, he’s in the shower.”

“Yeah, this is my room,” Jongdae risks a peek around his hand. The guy’s face is more recognizable than the rest of his body, Jongdae’s seen him around before, thinks he might live with Lu Han or at least they give off the vibe that they live together. Mostly Jongdae remembers him dancing alone at frat parties, shirt off standing on a table doing body waves. Jongdae’s honestly surprised he hasn’t woken up to him in Baekhyun’s bed before this. At least then maybe he’d be under the covers. Hopefully. “Thanks, I uh, don’t really need to see anything that’s been inside of my roommate though.”

“Oh,” the guy makes a soft noise, sounding genuinely apologetic, “sorry.” And hides his fingers behind his back.

Jongdae almost lets out a strangled hysterical laugh but he’s too tired even for that. He emailed his professor the paper that’s due in a few hours and doesn’t have any classes Friday mornings. He just wants a fucking nap on something soft that doesn’t smell like ink and mildewy book binding.

“I’m Yixing,” he offers Jongdae with a pretty enough smile it makes it easier for Jongdae to keep his eyes on his face instead of straying down when he gives an awkward elbow wave with his hands still tucked behind his back.

“Jongdae,” he hopes Yixing has figured Jongdae isn’t going to shake his hand right now. Or possibly ever. Yixing gives a sudden little start, like he just had the realization he’s being inhospitable by blocking the doorway and shifts to give Jongdae room to walk by. “You know what,” Jongdae gives the friendliest smile he can muster but it probably comes across strained, maybe even a little unhinged, “I have a feeling I’m not going to want to be here when Baekhyun gets back, you guys can have the room, enjoy defiling my roommate.” He gives a little wave that Yixing returns too eagerly with his bits out and Jongdae makes a mental note to finally order that blacklight to inspect his side of the room with.

Jongdae fishes his phone out of his pocket as he walks back down towards the center of the hall.

Joonmyun had given all of the freshman living on his floor his cell phone number, along with his full name, email, and a short autobiography, all in a neatly stapled pamphlet he’d given out at the meeting on move in day. They’d sat crosslegged in the common area at the end of the hall and played ice breaker games, most people indiscreetly texting while it wasn’t their turn and Baekhyun with his head lolling onto Jongdae’s shoulder muttering ‘would….wouldn’t… definitely will...’ into his ear after each person’s self introduction.

Baekhyun started in on his resolutions immediately after the meeting, lingering around the girls’ side of the hall on the pretense of being social and making friends but wandered back to the room he shares with Jongdae some time around midnight, pastel pink lipgloss smeared on the corner of his mouth and looking pleased with himself. Minah became Jongdae’s favorite of Baekhyun’s regular hook-ups because she’s funny and their room always smells pleasantly sweet the mornings after she stays over, plus she buys Jongdae pastries if he pouts when the three of them get breakfast together.

Second on the list is the towering kid Jongdae’s only seen in passing, he’s pretty sure his name is Kevin and he’s on the basketball team, because he has the decency to never be there when Jongdae is trying to cram for an exam he’d forgotten about until Chanyeol texts him asking if he wants to study together (Jongdae subsequently not responding).

Jongdae’s least favorite is probably Kyungsoo if only because you can never actually tell when it’s going to happen. He’s learned to clear out of the room as soon as they start arguing, about anything from lecture points of the required freshman ethics class they share to Baekhyun calling Kyungsoo’s playlists for studying shitty, because it quickly segues into them angrily making out and Jongdae’s had a lot of precious textbook pages crumpled in the fray.

The fact of the matter is that Jongdae’s well versed in finding somewhere other than his own room to be, playing video games with Hyunsik and Doggeun or watching dramas on Bomi and Hyerim’s futon, but more often than not he finds himself in front of the room at the center of the hall. There’s a construction paper clock, that Joonmyun had made himself, hanging on the door above a blown-up print out of Joonmyun’s class schedule and a map of campus. It only has one hand with a cut out of Joonmyun’s eye-smiling face at the tip and instead of numbers the face is cut into triangles labeled things like ‘Sleeping!! Zzz’, ‘hanging out come on in!’, or ‘at the library, see you there?’.

Right now the clock’s set on ‘studying, here if you need it though!’ just like Jongdae knew it would be on a Friday morning. Jongdae already has his phone pressed to his ear by the time he’s at the door, mushing his face against it because he’s out of energy to knock. Joonmyun had given them all his number but Jongdae has no doubt he uses it the most, might even be the only one who does.

“Hyuuuuung,” he moans into the mouthpiece when the ringing goes on too long, pawing pathetically at the door and making kittenish scratching sounds, “let me in.”

The door swings open and Jongdae stumbles forward a little. Joonmyun’s hair is all stuck up in tufts, in a soft t-shirt with knobby knees sticking out from under the bottom of his cotton sleep shorts, and Jongdae remembers why he hasn’t just murdered Baekhyun at some point to be done with his constant sexiling. Joonmyun has his phone held to his ear, making a gesture at it then giving Jongdae an apologetic look like he’s the one doing the intruding, but he beckons Jongdae in, probably having already figured what’s going on.

He gives Joonmyun his most beatific smile and reaches for his backpack where he’d let it slump to the ground in exhaustion, catching sight of Baekhyun strolling out of the boy’s communal bathroom before he does. Jongdae waves for Joonmyun to go back to what he’d been doing and steps into the room but lingers in the open doorway, using the time to idly switch Joonmyun’s clock to ‘do not disturb, thanks!’. Baekhyun’s whistling gets closer and closer until he’s walking right by and Jongdae’s arm darts out, snatching Baekhyun’s towel from around his waist and slamming the door in his face with a cackle, but not before swirling it into a whip and cracking it at Baekhyun’s pale buttcheek.

The wood of the door muffles Baekhyun’s indignant shriek. Joonmyun shoots him a quizzical look from where he’s sitting at his desk but Jongdae flaps his hand and mouths for him to not worry about it. God only knows the things Baekhyun’s towel has seen, though, and Jongdae drops it to the floor with a grimace. He’d feel worse but the carpet in Joonmyun’s room is always covered in a mess of clothes, books, and other debris. Jongdae picks his way through it until he’s flopping face first onto Joonmyun’s mattress.

He tries not to listen in on Joonmyun’s conversation out of common decency but he catches enough to figure out he’s talking to mom, because of course Joonmyun is that type of sickeningly wonderful to call his mother in the morning to check in. Jongdae hopes if Joonmyun can hear his snuffling he figures it’s because he’s already dozing, not from Jongdae breathing in Joonmyun’s cologne and shampoo off his pillowcase.

It doesn’t take long for Jongdae to actually drift off though, Joonmyun’s earnest murmuring lulling him. When he wakes up there’s a sheet tucked around him and a post-it stuck to the wall at eye level saying ‘had to run to the student center for something ! :)’ in Joonmyun’s scrawl. Whatever the something was, Joonmyun had apparently felt the need to tidy before leaving. It’s almost the end of the fall semester and Jongdae’s never seen the floor this clear before, the trash is freshly taken out, all of Joonmyun’s readings for class are neatly stacked on his desk, and it looks like he might’ve actually vacuumed. Jongdae rubs a fist against his eye. How tired had he been that he’d slept through it?

Just as he fishes his phone out of his pocket, squinting blearily at the clock on the screen telling him it’s late into the afternoon, he hears a key slotting into the door. Joonmyun’s pleasant rambling voice, the one he falls into when he’s a little nervous but is trying his hardest to be charismatic, filters through, “You’ll need to be with someone from the dorm to get in and out of the building, but we’ll be together most of the time anyway so you don’t need to worry about it.”

There’s a churlish, insincere sounding reply, “Great.” Which is when the door swings open to Joonmyun accompanied by a kid Jongdae’s never seen around before, overnight bag on his shoulder and eyeing his surroundings cautiously but looking slightly unimpressed. _Well fuck him_ , Jongdae thinks, defensive of Joonmyun even in his own head.

“Oh! Jongdae,” Joonmyun looks slightly surprised that Jongdae’s still there, in his bed, “I, um, wasn’t expecting… ah, Jongin this is Jongdae, one of my… freshman residents.” Jongdae doesn’t know why Joonmyun suddenly looks so anxious, petting the nape of his neck like he does. Jongin doesn’t seem bothered, he just offers Jongdae a grunt of a greeting and tosses his backpack on the ground to the side. “Jongin’s a prospective student so he’s going to stay the night with me, get the real college experience,” Joonmyun gives his best grin that Jongdae’s really amazed hasn’t been used in the school’s recruitment brochures yet.

“So what are we doing tonight?” Jongin sounds mostly bored, he’s already gotten his shoes off and is barefoot, flopping onto the bed as Jongdae glowers at the jostling and wriggles to sit up.

“Well,” Joonmyun produces a colorful folded up flyer from his back pocket, “they’re having Bingo at the student center tonight, all the prizes are from the campus store and there’s going to be food and drinks.” The mention of eating seems to lift Jongin’s face a little but he still doesn’t look like he’s recovered from Joonmyun saying ‘Bingo’, his eyebrows up in his hairline disbelieving and gaping at Joonmyun open mouthed.

“Drinks?” He asks hopefully.

“Juice and soda,” Joonmyun corrects helpfully, fiddling with the edges of the paper, “I’m sure it’ll be a good time, right Jongdae? You’ll come?” Joonmyun’s looking at Jongdae all wide eyed and hopeful and that really isn’t fucking fair. Without fail Jongdae is the only one that shows up to the weekly events Joonmyun puts together with the dorm’s activity budget, like movie Mondays or scrabble Wednesdays, stuffing himself on all the extra pizza and capitalizing on the alone time with Joonmyun. The one time Sunyoung had tried to come to karaoke night in the common room, while Joonmyun was distracted fumbling with the wires and songbook, Jongdae paid her off with the promise of doing her Music Theory assignments for a month so she’d say she had a ‘female emergency’ and go hang out with Amber and Ahyoung instead. Karaoke was Jongdae’s time to shine.

So predictably Jongdae nods in assent, he probably would’ve just ended up smoking a bowl with Wonshik and Junghwan and watching children’s cartoons so it’s not like he’s sacrificing much.

Before Jongdae can fully appreciate the radiant grateful smile Joonmyun sends him, Baekhyun’s obnoxiously poking his head through the door and whistling, “Who is this?” He isn’t looking at Joonmyun or Jongdae.

“Hands off,” Joonmyun cuts in smoothly, trying to close the door in Baekhyun’s face, “I’ll lose my job if he’s emotionally damaged come tomorrow morning.” But Jongin’s squinting at Baekhyun in some sort of curiosity that Jongdae knows doesn’t bode well.

Baekhyun gives his best fake smile that crooks to one side, then shoots Jongdae a worrying smirk, “I guess I’ll just leave you three to braid each other’s hair, then. See you.” And is gone.

-

It happens like this:

Jongdae’s one ‘G52’ away from a diagonal. He’s actually gotten into it, vibrating with excitement each time he fills a spot in and turns to share a giddy grin with Joonmyun next to him (Joonmyun’s card is piteously only speckled in but he’s a good sport about it, rewarding Jongdae with a high five every time he puts his hand up for one). The first time he’s close to BINGO and the announcer calls a ‘G…’, Jongdae hovers in his chair in anticipation, only to end up wailing, yelling a curse about the announcer’s mother when it isn’t the number he needs and almost getting them kicked out. So he’s a little distracted and doesn’t notice Jongin furtively checking his phone under the table, missing crucial spaces he could’ve filled in in favor of glancing at the time or thumbing out quick texts. Looking back, Jongdae doesn’t know what Joonmyun’s excuse for not keeping a close eye on Jongin is. It’s not like he’s a toddler though, you’re not expecting an eighteen year old to just disappear like he’s been kidnapped.

But that’s just what happens.

Jongin mumbles something that sounds like ‘bathroom’ and ducks away, Jongdae giddily snatching up his card to see if maybe Jongin’s might be worth swapping for but finds it in a sad state of neglect. Joonmyun’s apparently given up on his card as well because he has his arm draped over the back of Jongdae’s folding chair, leaning into Jongdae’s space to look over Jongdae’s card with him. Jongdae can smell the expensive cologne Joonmyun has a bottle of on his dresser, it’s making him light headed and he hopes Joonmyun is catching any numbers he’s missing.

After that asshole senior from Hyunsik’s frat jumps up, yelling bingo with boths fists pumping in the air, Jongdae slides down in his chair with a whining moan (taking a moment to nuzzle back a little at Joonmyun’s hand in the commotion). But then Joonmyun glances around, face wrinkling in an adorable frown. “Jongin hasn’t been back for a while,” he says, a little creep of worry tinging his voice.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Jongdae says offhand with a stretch as he stands, “he’s a big boy. Let’s find him and get something to eat, I’m starving. Cheese squares aren’t cutting it.”

Except when they check the student center’s men’s room Jongin isn’t there, nor is he waiting for them outfront, and when Joonmyun calls his cell phone it rings twice before cutting off. “Shit,” Joonmyun chants under his breath, “ _shit, shit, shit_.” Jongdae keeps silent, hands buried in his pockets from the winter chill and scuffing his toe against the concrete steps.

He’s never really seen Joonmyun out of sorts before. There was the time Jaehwan had chugged too much cheap vodka on a dare at a hall party (that Jongdae had pouted at Joonmyun real hard for him to act like he didn’t hear happening while he was on rounds) and had to be taken to the hospital. Joonmyun had ridden with him in the ambulance. But even then he’d just looked solemn and disappointed as he called a floor meeting to talk to them about responsible drinking and the horrors of having your stomach pumped.

“Do you think he’s back at the dorm?” Joonmyun says almost to himself, “Maybe he’s waiting there or someone keyed him into the building.” Jongdae doubts it but he tactfully doesn’t voice his opinion. He’s sure Jongin’s fine, just doesn’t have the heart to tell Joonmyun they’ve been thoroughly ditched. “Where could he have gone, it’s not like he knows anyone here.”

And that’s when Jongdae has a terrible epiphany, thinks about how Baekhyun’s smirk had been tinged with something that hadn’t sat right with Jongdae. He now realizes that something was vengeance. He has his phone in his hand a second later, dialing Baekhyun from the number two spot on the list of most frequent contacts (right under Joonmyun). “What did you do with him?” He prompts when Baekhyun picks up halfway through the first ring like he’d been waiting.

“With who?” And Jongdae can practically see Baekhyun inspecting his nails as he says it, all falsely innocent.

“I’m going to replace all of your lube with super glue,” Jongdae returns. Joonmyun is looking at him in confusion and Jongdae holds a finger up, hoping not to panic Joonmyun any further.

“Oh,” Baekhyun gasps like he’s suddenly remembered, “you mean the fresh meat? Mine now, by-ye!” The line goes dead.

Jongdae groans and scrubs a hand down his face. He’s getting a new roommate next semester, he really is. “Jongdae?” Joonmyun’s voice is a little hesitant and he’s looking at Jongdae from under his brow like he thinks Jongdae might need one of the gently reassuring speeches and squeezes around the shoulders that Jongdae fishes for before his big exams.

“Don’t worry,” Jongdae starts, then backtracks, “well actually maybe worry a little. But I’m fine. And I know where Jongin is.”

“That’s great!” When Joonmyun smiles at Jongdae it always gives him that glowing feeling like when his mom used to hang his perfect test scores on the fridge with sun shaped magnets.

“Well,” Jongdae draws out the syllable to hedge, “you’re probably not going to like it.” As if on cue Jongdae’s phone buzzes in his hand and when he swipes across the screen a picture message pops up. It’s a selca of Baekhyun, a peace sign crossed over one shut eye and grinning at the camera, but it’s strategically angled so in the background you can see Jongin sitting on the edge of a couch, three foot bong Jongdae recognizes as Lu Han’s pressed to his mouth and Kevin’s frat brother Minseok holding a light to the bowl.

Jongdae winces, muttering, “Suspicion confirmed,” over the pained little groan Joonmyun lets out when he catches sight of the picture over Jongdae’s shoulder.

-

It doesn’t take long to find the party, even if Jongdae hadn’t recognized the ratty dark blue couch instantly he remembers Myungsoo saying something to Sunwoo about it in the dining hall the other day because his friend Dongwoo lives in the house. Jongdae’s been there enough times because the frat is one of Lu Han’s biggest customers, and the insides of Jongdae’s stomach are pretty well acquainted with the bushes on the front lawn. It’s one of the bigger houses on campus and Joonmyun is friends with Jonghyun, the frat chapter’s president. Jongdae knows Jonghyun from the a cappella group they’re both in. Jonghyun likes to call them ‘Jong bros’.

When Jongdae and Joonmyun make the walk across campus, Jongdae doing his best to keep Joonmyun distracted to keep his face from falling into that frown that makes Jongdae feel like all the happiness has been sucked out of the world, there’s loud top 40 rap spilling out of the house which usually means Chanyeol has been allowed near the stereo. The door’s standing half open so Jongdae just pushes it open into the thrum of people. With any luck Jongin is stoned enough that he hasn’t managed to get up and wander away from the basement couch and he’ll still be sitting there. Jongdae isn’t sure what Joonmyun’s plan is when they find him, Jongin isn’t like a runaway child that could be thrown over his shoulder and taken home, but Jongdae’s conscience will be a little more at ease for getting Joonmyun involved with Baekhyun’s retribution if they can at least find the high schooler.

Jongdae takes a detour through the kitchen, priorities firmly in place, and tries to be casual about reaching back to take Joonmyun by the wrist to tug him along. Joonmyun follows after him easily, eyes scanning the crowd when Jongdae looks back to check. A bowl of cheese puffs sitting on a table strewn with liquor bottles catches Jongdae’s eye and he stuffs a handful in his mouth, wiping his hand off on his pants and hoping Joonmyun’s too busy grabbing something to eat as well to judge him for it.

There’s a bottleneck of people at the top of the stairs leading to the basement and Joonmyun presses that much closer to Jongdae’s back as they get jostled. It bends Jongdae’s arm behind him at an unnatural angle at first and he lets his grip on Joonmyun’s wrist loosen, but then Joonmyun’s readjusting his hand so his fingers slip through Jongdae’s and catch.

If Jongdae closes his eyes he can see this happening under different circumstances, Jongdae threading their fingers together, leading Joonmyun to an empty bedroom with a playful grin over his shoulder. Imagines Joonmyun letting him take the lead as he closes a door behind them and crowds Joonmyun against it, touch sliding under his shirt.

Which is probably why he almost trips on the first stair and goes tumbling down. Joonmyun steadies him with a hand on his side, his amused chuckle close in Jongdae’s ear. Holding hands while going down the stairs is awkward if you’re not making a point of it, and as much as Jongdae wants to, he doesn’t think this is the time to be testing those lines so he lets Joonmyun’s fingers slip through his.

It’s a couple minutes before they manage to wade towards the back of the room where Jongdae knows the couch from the picture is. Except when they get there Jongin’s nowhere in sight. Instead, where he’d been sitting, Baekhyun’s perched in that Yixing guy from this morning’s lap. There’s a joint slowly burning pinched in Yixing’s hand and Baekhyun’s neck is twisted around, fingers in the hair at the back of Yixing’s neck and smoke seeping out between their pressed mouths.

Jongdae almost feels bad for interrupting.

Almost.

He grabs Baekhyun by the bill of the backwards snapback he’s wearing and tugs so Baekhyun’s head jerks back and he startings coughing up the rest of the hit almost instantly. “Where is he?” Jongdae doesn’t wait for Baekhyun to get his breathing back.

Baekhyun’s eyes are watering as he chokes, Yixing just sitting there blithely running a soothing hand up and down his back, but Baekhyun still manages to give Jongdae a death glare, “Wow, fuck you.”

“Yah!” Jongdae yowls and gets an arm around Baekhyun’s neck to throttle him but Baekhyun just starts laughing.

“Eat shit,” he sounds strained but he’s still cackling, “I can’t even feel your chokehold compared to Kyungsoo’s.” Jongdae lets him go with a noise of disgust and Baekhyun rubs at his neck, pouting. “I really don’t know where he is, he went to get something to drink and hasn’t come back. But seriously calm down. It was just a joke, no one’s going to do anything to him, I just brought him because he was on a dance team with Hakyeon in high school and I wanted to mess with you and Joonmyun.” Jongdae sighs loudly through his nose. He’s sure Baekhyun isn’t lying, he isn’t _malicious_ , just a dick sometimes.

“Should we keep looking for him?” Jongdae turns to Joonmyun as he asks, realizing Joonmyun hasn’t said anything in a couple minutes. Only Joonmyun doesn’t respond. Jongdae frowns when he sees Joonmyun standing behind him staring down at his hands, he flexes them a couple times then rubs them up the fabric of the sleeves of his sweater. “Joonmyun?” He asks again.

Joonmyun looks up at him slowly, blinking slowly before responding with a dreamy sounding, “Hmm?”

Oh. Oh no. “Come here,” Jongdae says in disbelief, grabbing Joonmyun by the chin and checking his blown pupils. “Are you _high_?”

“I…” Joonmyun blinks a few more times, pliant in Jongdae’s grip. “I don’t…” then his eyes go even wider like he’s realized something, “you’re touching my face.”

“Yes…” Jongdae gets overly aware of his hands then, one on the side of Joonmyun’s neck and the other tilting his jaw up, “I am, and?”

For some reason Joonmyun’s face crumples then almost like he’s scared, “You shouldn’t be touching me, I shouldn’t…” Jongdae frowns and goes to pull his hands away, more hurt than he’d like to admit even though Joonmyun makes a sad little whimper as he lets go. But before he can analyze it too much they’re interrupted. Rudely.

“Fuck, no way is Joonmyun baked?” Jongdae hadn’t realized Baekhyun had gotten up from his perch in Yixing’s lap to peer over Jongdae’s shoulder at Joonmyun’s dazed facial features.

“What? No!” Jongdae squeaks defensively, spinning to try and shield Joonmyun behind his back but he barely has a two centimeter advantage, and Baekhyun has the same on him so it doesn’t accomplish much. He knows Joonmyun had gotten chewed out for the incident with Jaehwan, for being too lenient and fraternizing too much with his residents. Jongdae knows the last thing he needs is it getting around that he brought his prospective student to a frat party while high on marijuana.

“Chanyeol, come here you have to see this,” Baekhyun yells over people’s heads and that’s Jongdae’s cue to get Joonmyun the fuck out of there. Jongin can fend for himself, if he came for the real college experience it’s what he’s going to get.

It’s difficult with Joonmyun staring around like he’s just gotten a new prescription for his glasses after spending his life legally blind but Jongdae hustles him along by the shoulders. He must’ve eaten one of Lu Han’s fucking brownies off the kitchen table and isn’t that so endearingly Joonmyun-like to not suspect there are drugs in the baked goods at a frat party.

They pass Lu Han on the way out and Jongdae wants to kick him in the shin because he feels like this is some how all his fault in some complicated vicarious way like it usually is. But Minseok in his letterman jacket is standing in front of Lu Han, one hand propped on the wall over Lu Han’s shoulder boxing him in protectively, and Jongdae isn’t actually looking to start shit when Joonmyun is grabbing random party goers by the face and telling them to ‘be safe my child’.

-

The walk back to their dorm takes three times longer than it should.

Joonmyun drags his feet, whining like a child about how tired and hungry he is, making horribly adorable pouting faces and tugging on Jongdae’s fingers to try and slow him down. At one point Jongdae even tries to carry him.

Tries.

“Alright, come here you,” he says exasperatedly when Joonmyun sits down in the middle of the road for the third time. He wraps Joonmyun’s arms around his neck, Joonmyun’s doped up giggles tickling over his ear in a way that makes Jongdae’s tummy squirm. But Jongdae is pretty much the definition of scrawny and when he tries to heft Joonmyun’s legs around his waist Joonmyun wriggles on the first step and the two of them go toppling onto the pavement.

“Ow,” Joonmyun moans pathetically, but he’s sniggering with one hand cupped to his temple. Jongdae suppresses the urge to bang his head against the asphalt. “What are you doing on the ground?” Joonmyun’s voice is all genuinely curious but Jongdae doesn’t dignify the question with an answer. Then Joonmyun’s crawling over to gape down at him, eyes all wide and guileless and Jongdae can’t help chuckling. He’s starting to think maybe Joonmyun was onto something with this laying in the street thing. The idea of getting up holds no appeal when he’s got Joonmyun on his arms over him, so very similar to the daydreams Jongdae entertains while staring at a blank word document in the stacks of the library.

“The corners of your mouth are so pretty,” Joonmyun coos suddenly, fingers creeping up to poke at Jongdae’s face.

“Wha—?” Jongdae sputters, heart kicking in his throat in surprise.

“So pretty,” he singsongs again smoothly, but then his eyes are unfocused somewhere over Jongdae’s shoulder and Joonmyun reaches out to pet the gravel on the road. “Oh, Jongdae, you have to feel this. Wow, Jongdae feel this.”

Jongdae wails and slaps a hand over his face, finally rolling to get up and pull Joonmyun with him. This isn’t how he’d always imagined Joonmyun confessing to him going.

It’s just past midnight by the time they get back to the dorm, the last couple blocks passing by more quickly even though Joonmyun gets a little handsy with the fur collar of Jongdae’s coat, his giggles making clouds in the cold night air he chases with his face.

Jongdae gets him into the building and up the three flights to their floor, making sure to hustle Joonmyun past the welcome desk in case there’s anyone hanging around. He would just take Joonmyun back to his own room, give him the bed and sleep on the floor, but he doesn’t want to risk the possibility of Baekhyun coming back in the middle of the night, reeking drunk and halfway out of his pants.

“Okay,” he says as they finally make it to Joonmyun’s door, “where are your keys?”

“Hmm…?” Joonmyun hums and slumps against the wall, smiling coyly at Jongdae but offering no other response. Jongdae closes his eyes and lets out a long breath through his nose. He has no other choice, really. He corners Joonmyun and snakes a hand into his his front pocket. No, empty. The left too, except now Joonmyun is chuckling lowly in a way that makes heat flush through Jongdae’s gut. When he goes for the back pocket, fingers finally closing over metal, Joonmyun actually murmurs a slurred, “ _Cheeky_ ,” in Jongdae’s ear. Then laughs dumbly at his own stupid pun.

Jongdae is too sober to deal with this. So very sober.

Joonmyun practically falls out of his shoes after the door’s unlocked, stumbling towards his bed while Jongdae spares a second to spin the Joonmyun face clock to ‘Sleeping!! Zzz’. Jongdae doesn’t bother with the lightswitch because hopefully Joonmyun will pass out in a few minutes and just sleep the rest of the high off. Edibles are a rough morning after though. “Joonmyun,” he starts, not sure if he should put Joonmyun to bed then check-in on him in the morning or spend the night with a spare pillow on the floor. He knows Joonmyun well enough to know he’ll probably want some time to himself before he’ll inevitably come to Jongdae all unnecessarily embarrassed and apologetic.

But before he can say anything else Joonmyun’s calling out hesitantly. “Hey, Jongdae?”

“Yeah?” He’s tired and just wants to go to sleep and wake up to the earnest rational Joonmyun who texts him encouragements when he knows Jongdae is pulling all nighters, but his fondness for Joonmyun wins out over any annoyance he might feel.

“I have something to tell you,” Jongdae makes a noise of encouragement for him to go on, stripping down to his undershirt and boxers in the mean time because he knows he’s going to end up spending the night. “No, c’mere.” Jongdae rolls his eyes but gropes his way over in the pitch dark, thankful that Joonmyun had tidied that day. “C’mere,” Joonmyun repeats from where he’s sprawled out on the mattress, shirt rucked up over his belly. “Have to,” he tugs Jongdae by the wrist with surprising strength down on top of him onto the bed.

“Oof,” Jongdae huffs, nose jammed in the crook of Joonmyun’s neck that still smells of that expensive musk cologne. “Use your words,” he mutters to himself, trying to struggle to sitting.

But then Joonmyun rolls with Jongdae’s legs still straddled over his waist so he ends up with his hips cradled in the vee of Jongdae’s splayed knees. All of Jongdae’s fight or flight instincts completely shut down. No rational reaction presents itself as Joonmyun blinks down at him with glassy eyes. “Have to…” He ducks down and kisses Jongdae on the mouth. He’s still muttering nonsense words to himself but he kisses Jongdae’s bottom lip again, insistent and more coordinated than Jongdae would have expected.

Warmth tingles from Jongdae’s fingertips all down the rest of his body, can’t help laying pliant for it at first, savoring the way Joonmyun’s hands have found his shoulders and are trying to press him into the mattress, the little sound Joonmyun makes in his throat when Jongdae kisses back the barest amount. He wants this, he wants this _so bad_. Jongdae screws his eyes shut against the ball of _want_ curling in his belly but then makes himself open them.

“Joonmyun,” he murmurs, reaching up to hold Joonmyun’s face in his palms to ease him back, “hey, Joonmyun look at me.”

Joonmyun’s eyes are sluggish to open and the black blown pupils are enough of a reminder to Jongdae why this isn’t how he wants it. He wants Joonmyun’s bright clear eyes squinting down at him in crescents, not dazed and still faintly tasting of weed brownie.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Jongdae whispers, dragging his finger down the slope of Joonmyun’s nose because he doesn’t want to waste the opportunity.

“But I want to kiss you,” Jongdae can barely see Joonmyun’s pout in the dark but he thinks it's probably for the best because the whine in his voice is already enough to test Jongdae’s resolve.

“No more kissing me right now,” he tries to sound firm but he’s kind of stupidly giddy that he even has to make that statement.

But then Joonmyun’s letting out a worried little gasp, “Oh no. Jongdae. You’re right, Jongdae. No kissing Jongdae.” Joonmyun sounds like he’s on the verge of a breakdown, tears even, and Jongdae frowns.

“Woah, calm down,” he takes advantage of Joonmyun being off his guard to roll them so Joonmyun’s on his back with Jongdae tucking into his side on the narrow twin, pulling the blanket up over them, “you can kiss me all you want in the morning, promise.” Jongdae lets himself grin smugly at that because there isn’t anyone to see. That seems to calm Joonmyun down enough that he hugs an arm around Jongdae’s side, nuzzling into the curls on the top of his head.

“‘Kay, in the morning,” he mumbles and then two minutes later his snores are ruffling Jongdae’s hair as he breathes evenly. Jongdae sneaks one last kiss to the base of Joonmyun’s throat.

-

Even if the sun shining through Joonmyun’s open blinds wasn’t enough to wake Jongdae up, making him feel overly warm and stuffy under the covers, he probably would’ve woken up from the sheer amount of angst choking the air. When he squints an eye open he’s thoroughly displeased to find a bare space next to him in bed and Joonmyun sitting at his desk chair, just staring down at his twiddling thumbs.

“I’m a man of my word you know,” Jongdae tries, voice a little raspy in the morning, startling Joonmyun out of whatever self-flagellating thoughts he was probably having.

“What?” Joonmyun stammers.

Jongdae huffs, “Nothing. Bad joke.” He wants to lighten the atmosphere while still being sensitive to the fact that it must be pretty scary to unintentionally end up stoned, but he feels like they’re about to have a more serious conversation than Jongdae’s prepared for. “How are you feeling?”

“My head is killing me,” Joonmyun says falteringly, touching his temple, “and I… I can’t remember anything after we left Bingo.” Jongdae holds back an inappropriate snort at the reminder that he had sat through that last night. “It's all just a jumbled blur. Did we find Jongin?”

“...Yes.” It’s only partly a lie, they did figure out his whereabouts and Jongdae’s still fairly confident Jongin made it through the night alive.

Joonmyun’s shoulders sag a little with relief but then he’s glancing up at Jongdae through his lashes, “Did I… I don’t… did I try to take advantage of you?”

Jongdae does let out an incredulous bark of laughter at that, Joonmyun wakes up with twelve hours of his life missing and the first thing he’s concerned about is Jongdae. He immediately regrets it when he sees the suddenly stricken look on Joonmyun’s face. “No, I’m sorry,” he soothes, “sadly, you left my virtue firmly intact.”

“Jongdae,” Joonmyun starts, picking at the corner of his desk, “I hope you know by now, how I feel about you.” Jongdae’s ears fill with white noise, his whole body going still where he’d been moving to sit on the edge of the bed, thinks he can’t have heard right. Joonmyun looks up at him then, eyes vulnerable and open, “But I could lose my job, my _scholarship_ , if people think there’s something going on between us.”

“Is there,” Jongdae’s throat works as he swallows thickly, “something going on between us?” Joonmyun’s face is a conflicting mess of fondness and distress and Jongdae takes pity on him. “Hey,” he figures he can steal Joonmyun’s moves if he doesn’t remember using them, “come here.” Joonmyun gets up slowly, eyes on Jongdae the whole time, and shuffles so he’s standing between Jongdae’s legs hanging off the bed. Jongdae reaches out and links their fingers, pulling Joonmyun that much closer.

He doesn’t want to push it but there’s a smile teasing at the corner of Joonmyun’s mouth even though he still seems intent on being solemn, so Jongdae thinks it’s alright. “The semester’s over in a couple weeks and I’m going to apply for a transfer to a single in a different dorm,” Jongdae grins up at him, “I have a whole speech planned for the housing committee about the ‘moral decrepitude of my current roommate negatively affecting my studies’. And then, bam, you’re not my RA anymore. Problem solved.” It’s a perfect solution in Jongdae’s humble opinion, and he probably deserves some sort of reward for coming up with it. Preferably in the form of kisses.

“I’m still older than you, Jongdae…”

“Oh, please,” Jongdae rolls his eyes, shoving Joonmyun in the chest lightly, “don’t patronize me with the grandpa act, alright. You’re only a year older than me.” He looks up at Joonmyun coyly through his eyelashes. “Come on,” he walks his fingers across Joonmyun’s stomach over the waistband of his sweats, cooing, “I can make you feel young again.”

Joonmyun laughs helplessly as Jongdae wraps an arm around the small of his back to pull Joonmyun down on top of him, neck already craning up for the giddy kiss Joonmyun presses to his mouth.

-

When Jongdae sneaks back to his own room a little while later for a change of clothes and a freshening up (he’d convinced Joonmyun to spend the day in bed recovering with cheesy dramas and handsy cuddles) he almost trips over Chanyeol curled up in a gangly ball sleeping in the middle of the hall. He’s still wearing the clothes he’d worn to the party the night before. Jongdae goes to nudge him in the side with his toe to ask what gives but before he can, the door Chanyeol’s nestled in front of opens and Jongin emerges, eyes puffy with sleep and wearing a tee shirt Jongdae recognizes as Kyungsoo’s.

“Which way’s the bathroom?” He mumbles at Jongdae, scratching his stomaching and squinting against the fluorescent lights. Jongdae bites back a cackle, pointing the way, and reminds himself to tell Joonmyun if he loses his job it’s no longer Jongdae’s fault.


End file.
